The feeling of dread overcame me as I pulled into the parking lot. I was sure it would be like any other time when I had test results. Blood work is fine, the pain is just from the fibromyalgia. I knew I had seen swelling as well as the Dr this time in my hands and feet. She ordered a nuclear medicine bone scan for something new to try. She started out telling me that this type of scan was very accurate. Once again I thought I would get the same negative results. Once again the dread started creeping in.
Much to my shock however, she told me that it confirmed everything I had been telling them I was feeling for the past two years. Can I explain in words what a weight that took from my shoulders? I truly don't think there are words to explain how wonderful it felt to have affirmation that what I had been feeling was real and not just in my head. Once the methotrexate schedule was explained to me and I was sent on my way it hit me, wow I really do have seronegative inflammatory arthritis ( the exact same as rheumatoid arthritis, but the blood work comes back normal), now what?
Even though I had thought this is probably what I had going on and it felt so good to have someone believe me now, I still had to come to face the facts I had an incurable illness. Well, I am usually a very positive person so I knew I had to make adjustments so I could be the best mom, wife and office manager I could be. I have two boys at home, one of whom has multi-handicaps and relies totally on us for his care. My husband is in school full-time and works full-time as well. I am the office manager of an in-home care agency. Ok, I admit there are days when I am downright exhausted and in pain and I feel frazzled to no end. I found that taking it day by day and hour by hour in little bits makes things much easier. I let myself rest when needed and try to not feel guilty. The house work will be there later, those house fairies never make it to my home. Tomato soup is great for a sick tummy.
I am two months past my new diagnosis and am still trying to learn as much as I possibly can. I do not take the oral methotrexate now as it made me too sick, so I give myself an injection each week. That is something I never thought I would be doing, but I am managing just fine. I even went on a week long vacation to see my mom and sister in June.
I hope that I can help others have courage or at least give them a laugh as they look at my little corner of the world.
