Humbled

"Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up" James 4:10
Humility is something I have truly learned these past few years. I have always known God, loved and prayed to him. Still, I wasn't close to Him, not like He wanted me to be. Having three boys, one of them with many physical and mental challenges brought me closer to God and taught me many things along the way. "Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:4
Believe it or not there were many friends and family members that thought my son should be placed somewhere to live. I was upset at the very thought of it. I know they were just looking out for what they thought my best interest. My husband and I have taken care of my son for 19 years now and I would not have it any other way. He is a blessing from God that we were given to care for.
In May 2007, 11 months after a hysterectomy, I came up against my next round of challenges. There was no gradual decline of my health, instead it hit me sudden and hard like running into a brick wall. Certified as a personal trainer and pilates instructor I knew my body well, as I had pushed it to the limits many times getting in the best shape I had ever been in prior to my surgery. My recovery went well after surgery and I was feeling great until that day the terrible pain and extreme weariness hit. At first I thought it was the flu coming on. I would go to work and come home to go straight to bed as it took all my energy to get thru the day at work. Thankfully I had a loving husband that helped with the children. There were no other relatives living in the same town of the Air Force base we were stationed at.
Finally, not able to deal with the pain and fatigue anymore, I seeked medical help. After numerous dr. visits, x-rays, and labwork I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, disc degeneration, and osteoarthritis. No, I am not going to die from these things but at times feel like I could. Knowing that I have to live the rest of my life with this was depressing and unsettling. I didn't understand how God could let this happen to me when I have a family, along with a special needs child to care for. There were times when I lay in bed crying and praying. I felt at my lowest, weak and helpless. With chronic illness it is hard for others to understand since you look absolutely fine to them. Lonliness can strike with all the negative thoughts that come along with it. Having gained weight from meds and not being able to exercise or do the day to day things I used to I struggled with self-worth. It was apparent to me that a touch of vanity needed to be purged from my being as well. God has taught me that true beauty comes from within and from our actions.
All of these thoughts and feelings are behind me now as I totally lean on God and try to do as He tells me. I am never alone and He is always there. I know that I will be able to live through this pain and help others from my experiences.
"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29